Merry Christmas, Dear Romeo

To our Dearest Romeo,

I hope you can enjoy this record of your distinct brand of love for two cats. It's a love that can be confusing, scary, and frustrating for all to see -- a truly depressing love. We've kept things anonymous because the things contained on this blog are so disturbing that we know you wouldn't them to become public, but perhaps you can appreciate what that implies about your love.

That said, I also hope you can appreciate that this is our way of showing you that we love you, even for all your odd behavior.

Daddy Kisses Forever,
The Bard and Juliet

Daddy lover

Oh hai

[Romeo to Starbuck]

Oh hi Starbuck. Oh hi sexy face. Should I call you pretty face?

Lots of it

Romeo
Starbuck, wanna come over here? I've got something for you that starts with the word kiss. 

Juliet
What's it end with? 

Romeo
Lots of it!

Meow

Romeo
i said i love you to starbuck right now and she meowed i love you back!

Juliet
Hahaha!
One day I hope you'll say it to me...

Romeo
if you meow back i will

Asshole

Yes, Starbuck!  Get in that asshole!  So cute.

Starbuck!  Show me the asshole!

Starbuck!  Oh look at that asshole!  What a dirty little asshole.  Why don't you lick it.

Little holes

[Romeo to Starbuck, who is hiding]

I wish daddy was in all the little holes with you.

"Daddy"

Your loyal Bard had the pleasure of spending time with Romeo and his cats yesterday. In addition to watching Romeo molest the cats with unwanted hugs and other physical affections, I was treated to this repeated plea:

"Lick Daddy"

Some needs to call animal services...

This should make you very, very uncomfortable

I just puked in my mouth

Ready for Halloween? Better clean your cat's ass

Romeo is getting excited about the Halloween party at his house...

 Romeo:  starbuck is going to look SO good

she's going to be the star of the party

might put on a little bit of make-up on her, clean her little butthole

Saturday night plans

Saturday night, after The Bard enjoyed a nice dinner with Romeo, Romeo declined to continue the night, instead opting for a night in with his love...

ROMEO: I'm excited to go to bed.... with Starbuck.

Snapcat

Our fair Romeo spent a disturbing amount of time filling this in. 

Lap chat and the single most disturbing thing from this blog to date

[More random musings from Romeo while Starbuck is, uncharacteristically, sitting in his lap]

Is it possible to un-neuter a cat?

I want to bite the Starbuck's ears but I wouldn't because it would hurt. Well, maybe I would. Look at her ears!

You're my favourite thing in the world.

You have a nice little vagina.

Debatable

Her love is his drug

Romeo

starbuck gets kissed way too much, i know she doesnt like it 

The Bard

so stop kissing her

Romeo

cant help it

Cutest one

[Romeo to Boomer] You're the cutest one in the house.  Except for me.  And Starbuck.  And mommy.

Delicious

Romeo
[to Starbuck] Hi, delicious. Delicious Jones.

Juliet
What?

Romeo
Her name is Delicious Jones.

Juliet: 
...

No kisses for some people

[to Starbuck / no one]

Starbuck is like "You give me too many kisses!"  There are people in this house that don't get any kisses.

Defying biology

Romeo: You're my little baby. I gave birth to you.

Here kitty kitty

Juliet
Aww Starbuck finally showing you some love?

Romeo

yeah i scolded her earlier so she's apologising

Juliet

What did she do?

Romeo

just wasnt answering to me

I swear she loves me back

Romeo
you dont know the things she tells me when you're not around
i swear she loves me back

Juliet
What does she tell you?

Romeo
"You're my favorite human in the world. I love you!" 

Grooming

The fear in her eyes is palpable. 

Bad medicine

Romeo
starbuck is being very lovy
and im ignoring her

Juliet
Aww why?

Romeo
just giving a dose of her own medicine

[a few minutes later]

Romeo
i caved. i gave her pets
but not as aggressive

The real question here is: not as aggressive... as what? Not as aggressive as she wanted? Not as aggressive as he usually does? [gets chills]

Sometimes she holds my hand.

More little nothings said throughout a single day.


Perfect eyes, perfect face, perfect nose, perfect ears.  10/10.  Do you even know how cute you are, Starbuck? Do you?!

There's the purrs. Just a little work to get the motor running.

(petting her belly) She and I have lots of these moments. Sometimes she holds my hand.

You're the cute one *kiss kiss*

Hi sweetcakes!

It feels good to touch her. She's so soft. Feels really good. She's my favourite.

I don't think she really said that

Romeo
Daddy kiss me more! Okay Starbuck, okay.

When a want becomes a need

Romeo:  are the cats giving you love right now

because mine arent 

and i need it

A line has been crossed

[Juliet kisses neck] I wish Starbuck would do this.

Kisses

Romeo (To Juliet): she kisses me when you're not looking

Empty Gaze

As a rule, I try not to bait Romeo into making off-putting statements about his one true love, the cat Starbuck. But sometimes when he says weird shit, I can't help but push his buttons. 

Romeo

she meows at reflections

she just looks at me with those sad eyes

i shoudl write a bruce song based on starbuck's empty gaze

The Bard

you know why they're empty?

you don't love her hard enough

Romeo

i squeeze her all the time

i pick her up

i kiss her at least a 100 times a day

The Bard

but is that enough?

Romeo

i've even licked her head once

The Bard

once?

Romeo

i was trying to groom her like she grooms me

The Prettiest

A potpourri of sweet nothings our Romeo has said to Starbuck / no one over several days.

Who is the prettiest?  I think it’s Starbuck.  Who else could be this pretty?  You tell me.  You tell me!

Starbuck when you run you run you wiggle your butt so cute!

Starbuck you're my pumpkin. Actually, Boomer looks more like a pumpkin.

Where she belongs

This blog, with a readership of 2, is ready to take a leap. A leap into the world of MULTIMEDIA. Despite clearly not being worried about people knowing about his love of his cats, we're trying to keep Romeo's identity a secret -- hence the creepy clown face. I like to think "Where she belongs" isn't a threat, but it's hard to be sure... 

This photograph was sent out to nearly everyone Romeo knows via Snapchat. 

My Samosa

To his credit, our fair Romeo drew the line at an outright sex implication. 

Romeo

she's the best cat in the world

i love her the most

The Bard

last week it was boomer

now it's starbuck

make up your mind

Romeo

why cant you be happy for me

i was happy when you found a samosa.

starbuck is my samosa

The Bard

good god, keep your dosa outta there

Romeo

not that kind of a samosa

It's not just unhappiness

Romeo's comments to Starbuck throughout one day.

What have I told you? You're not allowed to go anywhere without a kiss.

I have to shower and I won't be able to kiss you.  That's why I'm kissing you so much.

Nobody gets so much love. If there was an earthquake I would save you first.  [to Boomer]  I would save you last.

What have I told you?  What have I told you?!  You have to give daddy kisses, that's the rule of the house.

So sweet the way you walk!

[to Juliet] She doesn't like to go into the lap.  You have to drag her into your lap and then she'll stay.

I can't stay mad at you the way I stay mad at the other one.

Not everyone can be perfect like you and me, Starbuck.

Daddy gives you happiness, too. It's not just unhappiness.

[pretending to talk for the cat]  "Scratch me harder, daddy!"

[pretending to talk for the cat]  "My name is Starbuck.  I'm the prettiest girl in the world!"

Brushing Up Against Me, Falling Down

Who doesn't want respect? Who doesn't want to be allowed to love who they want to love? Unfortunately, I think this is the kind of love that all the conservative types talk about when they refer to "the slippery slope" of gay marriage. 

Romeo

she's so sweet

i love her

she was being very playful this morning

brushing up against me falling down

The Bard

she's abusing you, bro

Romeo

you're so mean to me

all i want is your respect.

for loving a cat

Empty lap, Empty Life

Romeo: starbuck always goes and sits in [Claudio]'s lap :(
never my lap

Juliet: Hahaha

Romeo: maybe i just need to kiss her more and she'd finally like me

Poop

Romeo: starbuck and i are taking a poop at the same time

A New Low

Most of these posts are from gchats that our Romeo sends to me (unprompted). Last night however, I got a taste of the real thing. These are verbatim, as I was taking notes on my phone at the time. Despite the title of this post being "A New Low", he actually says this shit all the time...


[Romeo gives Juliet, his GF, a hug from behind]
Romeo: I wish this was with Starbuck

Later...

Romeo: I'm not into butt stuff... unless it's Starbuck.

Saving Myself For Marriage

Some of these need to be posted without comments, but some deserve some background. 

Our poor Romeo is known to often project his cat-based insecurities onto other cats, in this case Your Bard's lovely cat, Penny. He also manages to squeeze in a Jorah Mormont reference from Game of Thrones. 

Romeo

I'm saving myself for marriage

To Starbuck 

The Bard

ew

Romeo

You know who is ew 

Penny [The Bard's cat]

She's got grayscale 

Just like jorah

Completely Over Me

Romeo

aww 

starbuck is completely over me i think

she has not been snugging very much

TayTay

[Romeo]

i should rename starbuck to taytay

Desire

[Romeo]:

i would like to be a cat

especially one as pretty as starbuck

All The Good Stuff

Romeo: you might be right
starbuck does play me :-(
she goes to [Claudio]
she never comes to me
but then when i get frustrtaed
she'll brush by me
just to remind me that she's got all the good stuff